But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Merry F'n Christmas

My mother is gone. No longer in her body. She talks nonsense, she speaks to people who aren't there, sometimes she doesn't recognize me.
We didn't have Christmas. We didn't have a tree. My mom didn't know what day it was.
The ER says they can't do anything but give her a shot of Haldol and send her home, even though someone has to be with her all the time because she keeps finding pills and tries to take them.
"Alma is dead! I have to see Delia. Why is your daughter crying? A wilted flower in the snow!"
I ask, "Mom, who am I?", as the tears build in my throat. Three times I ask until she answers.
"I know who you are! You are one of my old students!"
I rushed out of the room crying. Kyle tried to make me feel better. I feel so helpless. I can't lose my mother.
It happened so fast...
And tonight. She was up all night talking to herself. I couldn't sleep. I walked in to her room, the only light coming from the door I opened. She talked about being inside a melon...
Gone. Where did she go?
We are broke. The money is gone because she hasn't been working. The house is a mess. I hear the glass of my world shattering. I think, "Stupid fool! How dare you try to fix yourself!"
Karma...
Oh God, someone please help me.
Someone please help her.
Please.

6:25 AM - Monday, Dec. 26, 2005
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dying - living