But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.
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Another Day in Purgatory
Thank you, thank you all who filled out my survey! Only about sixty more to go ;).
I sometimes feel like we live in an upscale contained ghetto, the way illness bounces back and forth between all of us. One of my roomates is now sick with a cold or flu. Last week one of the Mar girls had something. Before, some of the other neighbors, and my other roommate. I just hope it doesn't bounce to me, as I will then pass it on to everyone else, and it will bounce back...
The guy didn't call. I talked to his friend. His friend is Mar's boyfriend. Mar's boyfriend yelled at me, saying I was just using him. Using him for what? The conclusion: He is pissed because I wouldn't have sex with him at the party. Men!
At first I was extremely hurt but then I realized this goes on far too much. I need to toughen up. I won't put up with it, I won't call him crying, asking why he said that... Because I really did like him and I won't be hurt more by him.
I only binged and purged once today. I have to stop. I promised myself I would stop. I keep promising myself I will. I am in overdraft on my account; probably going to have to start putting things on my Visa, which I hate to do. I currently have perfect credit and I don't want to ruin that. It is the middle of the month and I am broke because I binge and purge on candy from the liquor store. What a sad statement.
I made it to English today. My professor said, "Good to see you made it." So did the other people. We were commenting on our essays, which were comparisons of literature, and I offered to share mine. It was hot and I felt sweaty, and suddenly dizzy. Suddenly all that came out of my mouth was who the characters were and then, "I chose these two because they both died in the end." My professor stared at me for a good minute and then said long and drawn out, "Okay... Good."
I really messed up. Another stupid comment from the mouth of Gwen. If only you could see what she does in her spare time, how much she eats and pukes... Boy professor, would you be shocked. No longer would she recieve As on those essays she writes with what seems to be so much self-esteem... She meant to mention the simularities, not sound depressing. She meant to mention the similarities, not sound depressing. Oh well! Just let her binge and purge the humiliation off after this class.
No more, I can do this no more. I need new clothes, smaller ones. I need a new life. I can't do this anymore.
I have got to stop.
12:44 AM - Tuesday, Apr. 19, 2005
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dying - living
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