But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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And they all came together and one fell out

I loathe hypoglycemia. I am really beginning to hate diabetes as well. I feel constantly on guard to keep my sugars from dropping, especially during the night. At those hours I hit the 40's. Its then that I will eat 3 cups of cereal, a few yogurts...etc... And when my blood sugar returns to normal realize what I've just done. Sometimes I think maybe I made the wrong decision, to stick with recovery. Most of the time I know I did not.
Because now I can live. I can do things.
School started last week. I stepped on campus with fear nearly choking me, considered running away, staying home... No one approaches anyone. Everyone walks around stony faced dressed in beautiful clothes... They are the beautiful people. We live in a city where everyone works hard at perfecting themselves. Not only do I dull in comparison but turn to a weed in a field of flowers, a nuisance to be plucked out.
I hope that someday I will be better. That I will do something good for humanity. However, as time passes I realize that I am getting older and have wasted most of my life.
I am nothing special. I am in fact a burden to society. A leech on humanity.
I was trying so hard to be like everyone else that I fell farther down.

1:21 PM - Sunday, Feb. 19, 2006
9 comments

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dying - living