But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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I Suck

I wake up to Kyle banging around. Its just past six am. He's mad. I know he is. I don't blame him. He lives with the world's number one fuck-up.
Perhaphs I'm paranoid. I think everyone who knows me is irritated with me right now. I doubt I am. I'm not usually wrong about this sort of thing.
I'm truly failing. Its the selfishness inside me. I'm too lazy and scared to strive to be better. To become the doctor I've wanted to be for as long as I can remember.
No, thats wrong. I decided that after I realized I would never be good enough at art to do it for a living. Now I realize I lack the skills to become a doctor. I lack the mental capacity to grasp any form of math beyond elementary.
"Stupid girl," I think as I sit outside smoking a cigarette, "You did it to yourself."
But if I can't be anything I want to be, whats the point in living?
Because dying would be selfish.

8:46 AM - Sunday, Feb. 05, 2006
4 comments

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dying - living