But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Back together

It was just a slip. I'm back on track. Under different circumstances I would be failing, uncaring, depressed...
I am off all psych meds. I just stopped. I'm not in therapy, seeing a doctor, anything... And I'm doing well. Really good. I never want to be stuck in the vicious cycle again. I don't want to die.
Wow, I can say I don't want to die and really mean it. I want to take life in my hands and live it to the fullest.
Kyle, (where would I be without him?) and I went hiking a few days ago. We took beautiful pictures and just enjoyed nature. We rent movies, go out to eat, ride our bikes... I get to see Tali and everyone else... And I can't help regret everything I missed out on. I now live closer to my friends, in a city I love, and I can live.
My blood sugars though... They are something else. Always low with a few spiked highs. When was the last time they were normal? And it drags me out, always eating skittles, drinking juice, etc.
Supposedly a new insulin administered by an inhaler will be on the market by summer. I can't wait. I have so many lumps, scarred tissue, and I truly dread the sting of Lantus, my nightly insulin.
I am so happy. I am almost free. I still have thoughts, am obsessed with food, wish I was thinner... But I'm fighting like hell.
You can too. Don't let this destroy you. In the end its nothing.

2:17 AM - Tuesday, Jan. 31, 2006
5 comments

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dying - living