But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Done

Today was my last day at Rader. I never thought I would be scared to leave. I believed I would be dancing with joy. The first few weeks there I believed entering that hospital was the worst mistake of my life.
Now I see differently.
I can feel... Feel something besides death lingering behind me, just a step behind, waiting, breathing down my neck, but never pouncing...
I am truly happy. I am so grateful for the friends I've made. Of course I've gained a signifigant amount of weight but I am becoming tolerant of my body. I am grateful for it and frankly amazed at its ability to recover from the torment that I have insisted on putting it through on years passed.
I never purged during my stay here. I never cut. I tried so hard. I dealt with a girl trying to jump out a car window, another constantly cutting herself, and many people purging. I had a lot of laughs as well as a lot of difficult times.
Treatment isn't easy, but it is necessary when you are so far gone that you don't even recognize the person in the mirror, or, worse, believe the person you see in the mirror is you and the person you "see" is fat, when in fact the person is dying of starvation.
I wish I could save those who continue to suffer. I wish this disease didn't take so many lives...
God how I wish.

4:04 PM - Sunday, Dec. 11, 2005
11 comments

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dying - living