But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.
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Terrified
I went out today. It was the second day in a row, though only to the grocery store.
And in the check-out line I saw Him. The man that ruined my life just two months short of three years ago. The one that drove me to get sicker than I ever had in my life. The one that only went to jail for two months though he raped me and two other girls.
My heart raced and I choked up. I whispered to my mom that he was there. I wanted to go in the car. Then I thought, "What if he follows me?" I gripped the shopping cart as the floor seemed to fall away beneath me. I felt my heart race and had a sudden urge to burst into tears. Instead I let the lump build in my throat. His eyes pierced me for a moment and an ugly grin crossed his face. Then the clerk he was waiting on came back to him and he dissappeared around the corner.
I snapped at my mom for reading the receipt. It was unintentional. Humiliated, she yelled at me all the way to the car. After tossing the groceries in to the back seat I got into the driver's seat wanting to get home as fast as possible.
Blurred eyes, tears streaming under pink sunglasses, breath rapid...
I sped up. Ran two red lights, cut in front of an oversized van, not caring if it hit us.
"Gwen, pull over now!" I don't know how many times my mom yelled it before I finally did.
"Is this because I yelled at you about the receipt?"
No, I said hysterical. "Its not about you!"
"Oh, its about Blank" she said.
How could she not realize.....
Safe inside. I put away the groceries and kept my sunglasses down to hide the tears. Then I proceeded to eat half a tray of lasagna and two bags of Reisen chocolate chews, spitting out the centers, not caring how high my sugars went.
I am never leaving the house again. I hope I rot inside my room.
9:26 PM - Saturday, Aug. 27, 2005
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dying - living
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