But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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I feel shitty about doing well

I feel no hunger today. I ate two meals, vomited them partially hours later out of nausea, took my insulin... Why do I eat with no hunger? Its impulsive. We are almost out of all good food, junk food, and I am panicking. Its what I want but at this point its what I fear. I am so utterly stupid.
I slept most of the day. I also took my insulin, leading the scale to read six pounds higher than this morning. Yet I know I am throwing ketones. My mouth is dry, too dry, and if I lie down I have difficulty in breathing. I barely got up the whole day, only to fetch something to eat, insulin, or use the restroom.
Merciful dreams. I had one of the best. I was back at the school I attended for kindergarden and first grade and all of the friends I have acquired throughout my lifetime were there as well. We were joking, laughing, etc... We could do anything we wanted and nothing was wrong.
I didn't take any diet pills today. I took my insulin and didn't vomit intentionally. I feel shitty about it but I must be healthy when Claire comes.

10:48 PM - Saturday, Jul. 02, 2005
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dying - living