But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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I Just Can't

Too much caffeine. I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. All day I was hungry... I ate three pounds of lettuce and two cups of Carb Countdown before I binged. I also took four diet pills with Ephedra but the hunger still ripped through my gut. Finally I gave in.
I said I would allow myself a cereal bar. I panicked. A cereal bar turned into ten Butterfingers, five Little Debbies and a 1/2 gallon of soy milk.
Easily down, easily up. And not seconds later was I hit with a bout of diarrhea from all the lettuce.
I want to stop... But I'm hungry again. I'm terrified of gaining weight. Nothing is enough... I finally lost this morning, 96 pounds after gaining daily...
I can't eat.

8:52 PM - Thursday, Jun. 16, 2005
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dying - living