But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Shooting Stars

I finally got to have a long conversation with Bailey. She said she is staying away from all the partiers now. That she had a wake up call. That was only the second time she had done crystal meth. She was smoking a lot of pot and it was making her feel down. She wanted something to make her feel up. Her mom video taped the whole thing while she was in the ICU. She said it was awful to watch. She pulled out her IVs, was freaking out... Her mom watched it and laughed at the dumb comments she made. "Gwen, she doesn't even give a shit about me anymore."
I do. I care so much about her. We were both standing outside and both saw the same shooting star. Amazing. A sign that it is really going to be all be okay.
I ate more yesterday. So much more. 1,200 calories. I woke up at noon today so full from yesterday I felt ill. I must take it slowly... I can't do that again. My weight also shot through the roof from the sudden increase. I seem to be suddenly maintaining on about 400 calories. I can do 400... Four hundred is okay. I know what you are going to say Laura, Bonnie, that it isn't enough. And it may not seem like it, but it is. Truly.
I have a power point presentation in front of one of my classes tomorrow with an eight page report. I am tired but too anxious to sleep. I hate presentations. Ever since sixth grade I have stuttered when required to make speeches. I wish there was a 24-hour nail and hair salon I could go to... 24-hour make-over clinic. Quick fix plastic surgery and confidence clinic...
Maybe then I could do it. Maybe...
I am so grateful today. Grateful my friend is alive. I just hope that she can maintain her strength. I don't think I would have ever forgiven... no, I wouldn't have.
But today, today I am happy.

2:12 AM - Thursday, May. 12, 2005
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dying - living