But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Thump thump thump thump!!!!

My heart is beating so fast. It hurts for it to beat this fast. It is scary for it to be beating this fast. Little surges of black shoot in front of my face and weakness shoots down my arms and legs. I want to think but I cannot. Thump thump thump thump thump!!! It demands to be felt, to be heard. I am trying so hard not to pass out, to think as to stay concious, to do something...
I don't remember much of what I ate. I didn't purge. I am puffy from water retention. I am tired and I am not sleeping. And I cannot get rid of the diahhrea. Every hour of the day. I don't even know how I go to school....
I can't think. I suppose I should lie down. Thump thump thump thump thump thump!!! Later.... I came on later to let you know that I am alright. I am feeling a bit better. The dizziness passed. I will just have to live with these spells. Day two without purging, with better sugars, with eating... I must do better. I have finals!

1:36 AM - Tuesday, May. 03, 2005
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dying - living