But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Falling

I do not wish to be here. I do not wish to be... That would be more accurate. Seeing the sun shine makes me want to cry. Seeing me...
That makes me want to die. And for some God forsaken reason I will not perish. I survive. Unworthy, Ungrateful, Scared, A Drain...
I did it again last night. All through the night with my neighbor. He the supplyer, me, the pathetic buyer. I don't even like it. I just wanted to end it all, give up... No more. I can't take any more of this.
And it turns out Bailey went over to Mar and Marissa's house and told them what I did in an exaggerated way. Of course there were lots of people over there including the guy I like. Apparently M* said I talked to Bailey's boyfriend, Joseph, because I wanted attention. So she said I made up that I felt like I was having a heart attack to get him.
I am just so glad that I don't remember this all too well...
**********Later******************
My aunt just called. I cried my eyes out. I am not finishing school. I am leaving. I cannot take this any longer. I just, I can't, no more...

4:42 PM - Sunday, Apr. 10, 2005
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dying - living