But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Strangeness

I actually slept last night! Probably a total of eight hours. I was so thrilled when I woke up and realized it was 4:00am, not 1:00am, that I actually had fallen asleep.
But I woke up nauseous again. Yesterday I remained nauseated throughout the day. And I weighed myself today. I was surprised at the number, so suddenly down. It has been a few days since I weighed myself, but it shouldn't have gone down that much so quickly...
I tried to eat dinner last night but my body rejected it. As quickly as it was down I was in the bathroom wretching my guts up. My rommates were in the kitchen but I did not care.
Let them hear me. Let them think things. I do not care what they think anymore.
I also ran into Mar and Marissa as I was walking home from school and ran into Bailey and Matt. Bailey was a little standoffish, Matt didn't speak to me.
He is only nice when he wants something. He must owe me a carton of cigarettes...
Why does she insist on hanging out with him? Joseph, her boyfriend, would not be pleased, as she and Matt slept together, and Matt is Joseph's cousin. The sad thing is, Joseph wants to marry Bailey but is sure that the secret will get out.
And this is why all names are changed...
I am excited about the weight loss, but I am also concerned. More than anything I want to feel healthy. And I do not. I just feel ill, swept under by the tide of a roaling ocean...
Someday it will pull me under, but not now.
Not now...

5:06 AM - Thursday, Apr. 07, 2005
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dying - living