But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.
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Ru and the Scale + job & school
I wake up with the sun shining brightly in my face. I have a field trip today for one of my classes. I look at my alarm clock. 12:03pm. Too late. The bus left at 10:00am...
Sunday, what a beautiful Sunday. And what I flake I felt like. I had e-mailed my professor, explaining that I would be there, though I had missed class all last week. Oops. This also happens to be the professor that is going to have me give a lecture to some of the professors and possibly students. I suppose tomorrow when I walk into class I owe some sort of explanation as to why I dissappeared off of the face of the earth for a good week!
Lately I feel so overwhelmed with the amount of assignments I have to do; Instead of doing them I go to bed. I let sleep and fun carry me through the days, though my friends say I study much more than they do. I feel like I try, but take nothing in.
I also got a job. No one will believe where. At the liquor store, of all places! They just offered it to me when I walked in. And I needed it, so I grasped the opportunity for money, even if it does have some drawbacks...
Now all I have to do is quit bingeing during the night. Ever since last week, when I didn't have my Protonix and had a hard time keeping food down, I find myself in the cupboads every few hours throughout the darkest hours, searching for anything to feed on; at those times I feel shaky, panicked as if I am starving to death.
In the last bit of news, Ru walked into my room yesterday, thinking that I wasn't home. She acted surprised, like she had come to wake me, and said, "Hah! What's this?!" to my scale. She got on, weighed herself, and begged to know my weight, which I would not divulge.
She is underweight by all standards. "I am so fat. I need to lose body fat!" she groaned.
"Ru, no you don't. You are going to get really sick if you don't eat. You could die if you keep this up."
"Don't try to scare me, I don't care!" were her last words as she tromped out of the room.
I wish that I could end all of this torment and suffering...
12:16 PM - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005
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dying - living
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