But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.
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Valentines
I am okay, I am still around. I just can't update since my computer crashed. I am also quite busy with school; this week I have four tests, one in each class. I have to wonder why I decided to take sixteeen units. My English teacher assigns us an essay every few days, and sometimes we have two due on one day. In Math D the homework is piled on, but of no use to me. My brain retains none of it. I am so tired.
I went to my endocrinologist, and I am to be tested for another autoimmune disease with my ovaries. At first it sounded good, never getting my period again, but then I found out I would never bare children if it is the case. I just hope I am under too much stress. I also broke my tailbone a little over a week ago, and it hurts to sit for too long. I fell on the concrete near the pool, messing around with two of my drunken friends, acting giddy, ditching class.
That is what I get for not being the good child...
I have been purging a bit more, a few times a week. I eat when I am stressed, as a reward for finishing homework, as something to take my mind off of all the things I have to do. Some nights I drink, but it holds no appeal. On Thursday I had half a beer at a party and couldn't stand another sip.
And yesterday I ate 500 calories. I haven't been feeling too well. It was hard to take in that much. My throat is sore constantly. The flu keeps bouncing between me and my friends, a content virus in close quarters.
But I am well, all in all. I am happy. Tired, yes, but happy. And today I have been diabetic for ten years. Ten years ago today My mom took me out of my third grade class, screamed, "Drop that cupcake! We're going to the hospital!" And my life changed. Happy Valentine's Day! I made it!
I will update more when I can.
I'm sorry, really... I am.
12:37 PM - Monday, Feb. 14, 2005
0 comments
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dying - living
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