But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Am Well

I can't stay on here long...
I want to let everyone know that I am okay. I have been out of the hospital for two weeks. Today was my first day back at college. For once I was glad that I don't know many people in my classes, so I didn't have to explain my absence.
Thanksgiving was hard. I spent a week in LA with one of my dearest friends, and we both struggled to do our best. I realize now that I should have never gone home for the second week. The day before Thanksgiving I decided that I no longer wanted to live, and I consumed two burnt pumpkin pies, a carton of milk, two yogurts, and a package of tortillas right in front of my mother. Afterwards I walked into the backyard and threw them up, easy as pie.
She didn't say a word. I skipped large doses of insulin while I was there, and spent most of my days sleeping. I didn't study at all. I let the pieces of the past fall into the future. That house will always be the sick house to me.
Now I am back at school, and I am doing much better. I am taking my insulin, and I am not purging. I haven't seen my ex boyfriend, which is a true blessing.
I just hope it can last. I dream of food. All I can think about is food. All I want to do is binge and purge. I hate it and I love it.
I will not give in to temptation.

9:13 a.m. - 2004-11-29
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dying - living