But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Petrified I know it has been a long time... I am sorry. I didn't have a place to update. Life has been chaotic. I don't know if I will be able to keep this diary going. If I do it will be different. I won't be able to put all that is going on, all that I am feeling, I won't be able to put my reality in here anymore. Because it is too risky. There is too much danger associated with sharing my life now. I don't know what I have gotten myself involved in, but it is no longer the innocence that I used to know. When I was my own worst enemy, when I feared myself more than anyone. Now I have to watch my own back. The motto here... "Live fast, Die young." And it happens. Money is drugs. Life is nothing. Every night is a party, a night to be wasted, a night to forget that you are really here, that you have to go on, and that you are so wrong for all that you do... I can't say anything else. I am okay in the sense that I am eating, not purging, and taking my insulin... But I am scared, more scared than I have been in a long time. And please forget I said that, erase it from your mind, it will be okay, in the end I will be really alright, I am fine.. Silently screaming, trapped, with nowhere to go. They always know where you are, they never lose track of you. Not even for a second. 2:28 p.m. - 2004-09-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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