But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Pain

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care...
I just don't care anymore...
I am in such a daze. I eat to take away the pain. To keep it from penetrating my soul. I fear it. I let high sugars put me in a daze. Because there is something that I am so afraid of that this is better...
Because this is me. This is something that has actions and consequences which I can predict. Not like all of the external aspects that have taken a grip on my life. That are eating me alive.
I eat and I eat and I eat. I went into a famine, so now I feast. My worst fear happened. I ran out of money, I ran out of food. I fear that again. So now I gorge.
Sex, drugs, alcohol, speeding, ditching class, money.... They say life is crazy. They say to live now, because you will die young.
I don't care. I just want to stop breathing. And with sugars high, a weak body, meals vomited, the flu, it does get harder to breathe...
And I smile.
Take... my... breath.... away.

10:47 p.m. - 2004-09-24
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dying - living