But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Apathetic A heavy liquid flowing through my veins, weighing me down. Every part of me begs to collapse. I am sore. I am exhausted. In the morning the cold air chills me from the inside out, as I sit alone at a table, trying to concentrate on my studies. By afternoon the sun beats down, harsh and unmerciful, leaving a blinding glare in my eyes as I try to read the white pages of a textbook. My day begins at 5:30am. It doesn't end until now. Only now can I relax, get ready for bed, go to sleep... And prepare for another to begin. I am not hungry. I am too tired to be hungry. I am too anxious to fall asleep, though I am exhausted. I am too anxious to concentrate, to take in anything I read, though my eyes glaze the material over and over again. And I am too anxious to care. Too dead to the world to care. Ironically, starting another eating disorder program today just made me more apathetic. And I don't care. I don't care if I didn't eat enough. I am too tired, too overloaded, too stressed. Sweet dreams, and may the stars be your nightlight.
10:06 p.m. - 2004-08-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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