But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Repetition Another night goes by.... Why? Binge. Oreos, potatoes, chili with cheese and sour cream, all touch the tongue for a brief second, slide down the throat, but for nothing. Slip outside, into darkness, wind howling, a biting cold... Lean over. The wind stops. Silence. Stick the fingers down the throat. Wave after wave of gluttony is omitted, leaving emptiness and sadness in its wake. A bitter chill. I will not eat... But that is so easy to say when your larder is full. It is when the terrible hunger strikes that all vows of fasting are forgotten.... The same as the day before. Vows to recover, vows to fast, vows not to purge, but they do not last. And today my scars were photographed by a friend for her class. Labeled, "Beautiful" or "Never Seen," she has yet to choose.
10:03 a.m. - 2004-01-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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