But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Never Stop I had to go to Urgent Care today. I had an ear-ache, which I neglected for three days. I distinctly remember when it began. I was purging outside, and suddenly it felt like my ear just wouldn't pop. Apparently my sinuses backed up and gave me an ear infection. (Embarassingly enough, one of my best friends works there and she weighed me.) I never had one before, and it was pretty painful. My mom has been telling me to rest, but I feel much worse from not taking care of my diabetes and purging every day, so this is nothing. "When your heart races constantly, when your legs feel like butter, you're nauseated, you're sweating, dizzy, your breathing is labored, do you think an ear-ache matters?!" I shouldn't have said that. "Gwen, you really need to go back in the hospital! I will even drive you to Stanford." "Stanford?! Ha! After twenty admissions they told me I was just going to die, and they weren't going to do anything about it. Besides, I am not going to any hospital!" So that was that. I tried not to binge today, but I have thus far consumed a cup of M&Ms, a pound of turkey, a cup of green beans, a banana with peanut butter, and a few tic tacs. This is so hard. I tried so hard not to binge today. I tried to eat normally... And as I sit here chugging my 17th diet soda, I wonder how high my blood sugar will climb, how many sodas it will take to bring down my glucose to a number my meter can measure... Will this ever stop?
1:36 a.m. - 2003-11-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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