But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thin Air Something just feels so out of the ordinary with my body today. I cannot explain it. It is scary. I have gained seven pounds in the last four days. I haven't done anything differently. I want to fall back down the rabbit hole... My doctor called Friday and said that all my labs were off. I have a high acid blood level. Whenever that happens I am supposed to get an EKG. I have missed the last two. I am supposed to get one every week. Thank God I answered the phone when my doctor called. "Hello, is this Gwen?" "Yes." "This is Dr. Lusk. All your labs are off. You really need to work on getting them under control. You have acid in your blood. A high amount." "Yea, okay, I will work on it. Bye." I am supposed to go to the poppy fields tomorrow. If my mom knew how bad my labs were she wouldn't let me. I love it there. If I had to choose a place to die it would be there. Last time we went my mom lay down like she was dead, and I thought to myself, "How peaceful that would be." My heart is racing. I am having trouble breathing. I am so tired. I am going to hike tomorrow. It has been such a long time since I have done that. Granted, it won't be long, it won't be far, yet it will be a hike. Last time I went hiking it was with my friend Ashley up in the mountains in northern California. We decided to take the longest trail, one we had never been on before. We had water bottles and my cell phone. Before we knew it it was dark, and the gates out of the park locked at 7:00pm. We had spent the whole day walking up. I tried to call my aunt to tell her to notify the park rangers that we were still there, only to find that my cell phone was out of service. Terrified that we would be locked in and have to spend the night with snakes, deer, and bears, we ran the whole way down, almost falling off the side of the mountain more than once. We finally reached the bottom and made it to the park gates just as they were closing, sweating, light headed, and out of breath. We managed to walk the rest of the way home, laughing out of amazement and relief. She spent the night at my house, and the next day we both woke up too stiff to move. I remember that I lost two kilos that weekend, much to my doctor's dissapointment. I was much healthier then. My biggest complaints were edema, a low blood pressure, and hypothermia at night. I miss Pacifica. I miss my friends. I miss my old school. I miss my healthier body. I am a whiner. So, I baked sugar cookies. I would send some to my faithful readers, but I just ate all 20 of them, chased by a glass of milk. I have returned to my bloated status as I remember "The good old days." Take care everyone. Much love. xoxo Gwen 3:07 a.m. - 2003-03-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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