But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sick of Sick All I need is a fridge and bathroom in my room. I would never leave. There would be no need. I wouldn't have to face the world, nor would it have to face me. Only those who reside along with me in this house would have to acknowledge my existence. I asked for a VCR in my room. My mom is hesitant to give me one. She said I would never leave. I don't see a problem with that. Yesterday was an awful day. My mom and I were going to see the Poppies. She changed her mind. Then she said she would take me up in the mountains. Instead, we got into a fight and she dragged me out into the desolate desert. She jokingly said, "This is where I am going to bury you like a dog, because you are as mean as a dog." We were driving out there. I opened the door of the truck and jumped out. I ran as far as I could, which was only a few hundred yards. I walked, and then I lay down. She got out of the truck and went looking for me. I walked back to the truck. I took the keys and drove. She didn't think I could drive. Of course I can. I have only watched her drive for the past 17 years. We went to Arbie's for lunch. I came home and puked my guts up. I threw up the salad I ate the day before. My brother called my mom, who rushed home. I lay down, exhausted. My heart started to feel very bad. I went into the ER. I was tachycardic. They kept me there for a few hours and sent me home. Exhausted, I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and ate four cups of pudding, two cups of soup, five cereal bars, 1/2 cup of caremel, an apple, and some cookies. I fell asleep. An hour later. I find myself out in the backyard, everything I ingested shooting out of me like a fountain in a park. I slink back to bed, shivering. The ice will not leave my body. I turn my electric blanket up to "Hi" Finally, I fall asleep, stuck in the ice that won't leave my veins. I wake up around noon. I have gained weight. I am 93 pounds. I slink back to bed, not sure if I am awake, not sure if I am really here, not sure of anything. Am I dead? No, this isn't quite Hell, and it surely isn't Heaven. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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