But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flashbacks I can't sleep. I keep having nightmares about Him. I see his cream colored skin and his kind smile. Than I remember the pain. I remember me begging him to leave me alone. I see his thing. I remember the commands. I remember the fear... I wake up hardly able to breathe. I reach down and start to scratch myself with my long nails, scratch until my skin is raw and I am bleeding. Until there is pain. Then I get up. "Where in the hell is my lighter?" O shit, it isn't worth it at this hour... I go for the rubbing alcohol and scrub my hands vigorously. I want to take a bath in it. I want to rip my skin off and feed it to the dogs. I slink back to bed and silently cry myself to sleep. I wake up half an hour later, so lonely I can't stand it. There is no one to call at this hour, no one to talk to. I am such a bitch. What right do I have to call people anyway? I call one of my old treatment centers, just wanting someone to talk to, but immediately hang up. No one would want to talk to me... I decide I need something. Every image from that night flashes before my eyes. I decide to go online. I come here... 3:27 a.m. - 2003-02-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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