But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My ice cream and the dog I was doing rather well today with eating. Then my mom has to open her big mouth. "Oh please, eat dinner with us. It's not like that ice cream you eat is any less fattening" and I got all panicky... especially after she told me how disgusting I used to look. Great... Another binge. "Fine, give me whatever you want, I said, "It will all just come up anyway." I can't believe I said that to her. So I took the biggest piece of pork, bread, a huge serving of waldorf salad, and ice cream. I was grabbing ice cream earlier and shattered it all over the floor when she told me it was fattening. So now I'm fat? I went from being ugly to fat? Thanks Mom. So dinner was huge. I followed it with eight oreos, a 1/2 cup of peanut butter, and about 4 cups of ice cream. Then I went to bed, knowing damned well that in an hour I would have to puke. Never fails. I always do. I woke up a bit after an hour later, so nauseated I don't know how I pulled myself out of bed. I went to the backyard and puked. I need lots of soda to help me throw up, and I ended up drinking 19 cans in the last five hours. So thirsty. Once again my pee smells strongly like pastries. I swear, it feels like I threw up half a person. It was such a huge puddle of puke. My legs and arms are so cramped and weak. I am shaking really hard, my head and stomach hurt, and I am so cold. When am I going to die? Speaking of that, Mom and I seem to have this evil game going on. When I threw down the glass dish, my dog started to eat the ice cream. I had run to my room, and then she tells me that I better get out there and move my dog, because he is eating the ice cream. I freaked and ran out there. Sure enough, there was little Widget, licking up glass and ice cream. I am so scared. She won't let me take him to the vet, and everyone knows that it can cut up his stomach lining and enter his blood stream, being fatal. Does she care? No. Just a few minutes ago he started gagging up stuff, and when I looked there were shards of glass in his saliva. I told her, and she told me goodnight. Is there something wrong with this picture? If he dies, I will die. Widget, my little douchsound, is my only friend in this house. He is my guardian angel. As long as I have to live here I can't go without him. Pray for my little dog. Later, as punishment, I will burn myself again. Oh yea, not like it matters, but all the blisters on my leg from burns busted open. They are oozy and they hurt. I swear, my ankle looks like a mine field. Take care all... I want to dissappear... Oh and does anyone hate the new Bali Total Fitness commercials? 9:33 p.m. - 2003-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
||||||