But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Keep Fighting

Maybe I shouldn't be here, on this site. In a way it makes my stomach turn, though not for the reasons you would think, but because I am afraid. I am afraid of what I will see, or rather, not see. I might not see the updates from those I want to see fighting, the ones I want to see well, and I know its because they might not be on this earth any more.
Sometimes I want to fall again. Sometimes it seems falling will save me, but I know that isn't true. Going back is losing, and when losing is winning, death is only winning, but then you've lost completely. Therefore, there is no winning.
I am so lucky to be where I am. My complaints are petty compared to before. I know what its like to be dying. Now I complain because I am in the dentist every week; my teeth are rotting from years of vomiting, as expected with bulimia.
If you don't think it will happen to you, don't fool yourself. I believed the same.
I will say it again. Reach out, get help. Do not fall, do not let the disorder consume you. Its a miserable way to exist.
And I want to help, to do so much more than I am capable of.
I would have died if it would have saved those suffering, but it would not.
If you perish, you are truly nothing but another statistic, and even worse, your image before death might be plastered across a pro ana site.
Its not worth it. Its treacherous trickery, all consuming, and a lie.
Keep fighting.

At home I cannot access this site because my server is not capable, so if you wish, e-mail me at: shootingstar1dayREMOVE @lycos.comREMOVE
(remove the remove)

All my love to all of you.

11:55 PM - Monday, Jul. 10, 2006
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dying - living