But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Fuck Fuck Fuck

I did pretty fucking good today and I am pissed at my body for gaining weight and even more pissed that my legs and arms are cramping from the potassium drop from insulin, enough to wake me up. So I take the potassium pills but by now I'm sweating and my heart won't slow down.
I know this won't be coherent really, but I did well today. I took my insulin and ate 1,500 calories but then I got sick at 8pm and barfed what seemed like everything I ate today.
But I did so much better than before.
Why is it so fucking hard to do everything right? I wish I was 120 pounds again and healthy. I hate myself for throwing it all away.

1:07 AM - Wednesday, Jul. 13, 2005
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dying - living