But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Another Ordinary Day

So much for my idea that I can be a better person than I am being...
I slept, binged, and purged all day. I didn't check my blood sugar once; I didn't want to see the meter's admonishment for my skipping my insulin, running high sugars..etc... I didn't want to check when I knew it wouldn't make the slightest difference as it is.
And I had nightmares. Horrible ones. People falling from a burning building. They fell to the ground and the fire spelled out on their dead bodies once they were lying there "There is no God." It was beyond frightening. So I ate more yogurt whips, seven or eight total, purged, and fell back asleep exhausted.
My next nightmare... It was awful as well. About someone cloning the DNA of a dinasour and creating something out of Jurassic Park. The only problem was that the cells were so old something inside the dinosaur changed... As if his DNA had evolved with time, and his brain developed larger than normal. In the dream it escaped and attacked a lot of my friends. In my dream I was too drunk to do anything about it, though I tried....
Jurassic Park? Yes, but still scary in a nightmare!
I am about to fall asleep, though I have only been up for three hours. I missed school again. I got up, started to put my notes and homework in a bag, shook from fear, binged, purged, and fell asleep...
Half hoping death or something equivalent would take me away, just so I wouldn't have to deal with this... More like a very long slumber... A two month slumber... That would be ideal.

1:12 AM - Friday, Apr. 15, 2005
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dying - living