But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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A Better Outlook

My body does not like food.
This morning I woke up shaking, sweating, and heart pounding. My blood sugar was 35. Quickly I consumed 1/4 cup of Skittles and a few M&Ms. Nausea hit me like ocean waves, dizziness flooding over me. A rainbow of color flooded out of my mouth as soon as I reached the toilet. Last nights dinner. This morning's low blood sugar fix. Yes, food does not like me.
The realization hit me today that I needed to eat more to feel better. So I ate approximately 2,000 calories. I didn't feel any better. I spent my day in bed sleeping, sweating, and nauseous; A beautiful Sunday wasted because I decided I should get my life back in order. What. A. Thought.
Now, enough of the pessimism. Today is a brand new day. Today I will do better. At the grocery store I bought fruit, cottage cheese, yogurt, turkey, salad, cereal, wheat bread, and fat-free egg mix. So today I will eat healthier. Today I will do better.
And today I will not hesitate to take my insulin. I will not act like the needle I inject into my skin is carrying is loaded with poison istead of the life saving hormone I need. I will not count calories. I will not consider purging...
I will be "normal"
As best as I can be the definition of normal.

3:45 AM - Monday, Mar. 14, 2005
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dying - living