But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Social Security

I am exhausted, but I have a final tomorrow, or rather, later today, so I am staying up all night.
My mom lied to me. I knew she wasn't paying all of my bills. I was on the phone with her, asking her why she was being so kind about everything. "Oh Gwennie, don't worry about it. Everything is taken care of." I knew this wasn't true. Her Visa bill is $5,000.
"Mom, what do you mean? How can you afford to pay for my living expenses? I know you can't! Just tell me where the money is coming from. I know you aren't telling me something, and if you don't I am going to transer my account and remove your name."
Finally the truth came out. I am getting social security. UCLA made me file for it when I was there during the summer, afraid that my family wouldn't pay for my living expenses. The reason my mom didn't tell me is because I am thrifty with money when I am not bingeing, and my bills only come to $400 dollars. After prescriptions they total $515, and if I am good with buying food, I won't spend more than $1,000 a month. The reason my mom didn't want to tell me is because she also gets paid child support, and a tax return. (This is my theory) She needs the extra money to pay off her Visa debt, so she didn't want to tell me, and continues to give me no access to my account, lie to me about how much I have in it, and tell me she pays for everything, so be very careful. I asked her to please not take any of that money and she replied, "I won't, unless I need it to pay off your bills such as $1,000 for groceries when you come to visit, and you still have hotel bills from last summer's treatment center."
I'm a bit worried. My mom does have a spending problem that seems to get worse every year. She has too many clothes to fit in three dressers and three closets. She spent over $500 dollars the day after Thanksgiving on clothes. Perhaphs I should transfer the money into another account. Or some of it...
I didn't step on the scale today. I am almost out of food. I have nothing left if my blood sugar goes low, except one yogurt. Baley and I were supposed to go grocery shopping today, but her mom was irritated about something and made her come home early. I really need to learn to drive. I really need to learn a lot of things.
The good news is, I got a fee waiver for next year, and I also got a Pell Grant. Suppossedly I will get $850 dollars, but I have no idea how... I guess I will have to figure out. At least I will be able to buy my books!

1:53 AM - Tuesday, Dec. 14, 2004
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dying - living