But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Heart Awakenings

I am awake. It is after 3:00am and my eyes are wide open, staring at this page, my bed not three feet from me.
Every night the same feeling wakes me up. My heart is racing,fluttering out of my chest. My whole body feels like it is sinking. I get up, check my blood sugar, and it is fine.
Every night for the past week and a half. I can't sleep at all anymore... And now that I am awake I realize that I am hungry. Very hungry, in fact. I could easily devour a pizza and few bags of Halloween candy.
Why? Though I am getting enough calories, I wonder if it has something to do with what I am actually eating. I still won't eat anything with more than two grams of fat, and tend to lean more towards fat-free foods altogether...
And now, now I have to wait another four and half hours, until the designated breakfast time. Because if I don't I will feel out of control, and I will binge.
Well, no one said recovery was a piece of cake...

3:04 a.m. - 2004-12-04
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dying - living