But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Don't Act

I am the darkness that they fear. And they don't even know it...
I ruin their lives, and they don't realize it. I made the person who saved my life sick. And I didn't mean to. And I am so sorry Jori.
I am also sorry to all those who have believed. To Lisa, Meredith, Ali, Claire, and Jori most of all... But to so many others who still believe and do not know that I am failing. Falling. Dying.
He came over. I haven't seen him in two days. I walked out of the bathroom startled. He had heard me vomit. I told him what the doctor said.
They want me to go back into the hospital. Because I am bingeing and purging to a fatal point. And because my sugars are off the meter. And because they don't believe I will out the year if I don't.
They said, "School and death, or hospital and health with school later."
He heard this, but was interested in one thing. And I cried. I dissasociated myself from it. I listened to the presidential debate in the background, and thought of suicide. And I wanted to punch him, and I wanted to die.
He didn't notice the tears. He left shortly after.
I pray for a quick death. I pray for a Heaven. I hang on only because I know I am going to Hell.

11:55 p.m. - 2004-10-08
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dying - living