But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hanging On Exhausted, that is me. Stuffed, bloated, sweating, and about to fall asleep.... That is what insulin does. It makes you ravenous. It makes you gorge... that is... when you skip it for so long. I have been taking it for the past few days. And I have gained thirteen pounds. My hands and feet are swollen. Rings that usually fall off won't budge off my fingers. My ribs hurt. And I can't stop eating... I am also losing my therapist. Two weeks maximum is what I have left. Because I am losing my IEP. I feel ripped apart, punished for good behavior. Because I am graduating I am losing those services... I spent two days packing up the house. Almost completely by myself, only with the help of my mom's husband. Boxes and boxes and boxes of useless clutter that my mom refuses to get rid of... All for new carpet. I don't know how I managed. I have green bruises from banging myself so many times on shelves and boxes and furniture. But now it is all over. And that voice says, "Why not give up? Give in? Lose weight? Lie in your room and not come out?" And I am fighting it with every ounce of animosity towards this eating disorder I have... But is it really worth it? Tell me it is.... 12:25 a.m. - 2004-03-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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