But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Destructo We walked, it must have been about ten miles in the warm summer night, hunted like animals, just the three of us, ducking at the sight of every car, movement or light, shaking, scared... But there was some thrill to it. Stumbling through the desert sands, making sure not to step in a snake hole, throwing ourselves behind tumble weeds at the slightest movement in the darkness. The knife was our only protection. We had stolen it off the table of the people who were hunting us. They wanted us. High on meth, wanting complete control, leaving us there until they felt like coming back, and we escaped... It was scary. One of us cried. It was not me. I was too amazed I had gotten well enough to even be there, walking, ducking, crawling like a refugee with a knife... But not anymore... and maybe never again. So many memories have gone, how many more will come? Yesterday I ran into an old friend. She said she was jealous of how thin I had become. I did not feel pride, only embarassment and shame. And it made me wonder, why am I doing this? I no longer know.... But today my heart feels much better. The beta blockers helped so much. I noticed something was gone. The chest pain. I didn't realize how bad it constantly was until it left. I am so broken, stale from old age come too fast. Piece me together with super glue, once it goes bad I will break again... And I am the destroyer, doing destruction that I cry myself to sleep for... 7:15 a.m. - 2004-02-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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