But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All for Nothing Today I didn't lose any weight, much to my dissapointment. It sounds shallow, yes, but yesterday I went through Hell in an attempt to at least lose a pound. But I didn't. I maintained... Once again, I binged and purged, then skipped my insulin. I lay in bed, shaking, cold, stomach hurting, heart racing, with one objective in mind... To lose weight. I hung over my mom's toilet bowl for thirty minutes, violently forcing everything up, ramming my fist into my stomach, gagging, chocking, on the verge of tears... And it was all for nothing. My friend Ali* came by, and we went and got copies of pictures I had recently developed. All I could think is how hideous I looked. She is leaving on a full acting scholarship to New York in May, and then I will have almost no one. The one other friend I have left is wrapped in a relationship with her boyfriend, and has time for nothing else. I want no one, yet I want everyone, like the way it used to be... 9:57 p.m. - 2004-01-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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