But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gluttony I avoided any kind of flu or cold for months, and was rather sure that I would, only to get the worst head cold I have had in a long time. I have gone through two boxes of Kleenex, and slept for almost three days straight. My head feels like it is going to explode, and my ears hurt. The worst is that I passed it on to my mother. Yet I still eat. Why? I loathe food. I hate looking at it, yet I constantly think about it. I fear it, so I gorge on it. I rarely vomit, I just skip my insulin to purge. I managed to get down to 106, but my body will not allow me to go any lower. When I try to cut back on my insulin even more by body screams in protest. My heart races, my legs become weak, and I have trouble breathing. I go between kitchen and restoom, drink tons of Diet Coke, urinate pee saturated with glucose. "Stop fucking eating you bitch!" So I try. I will go all day without eating, but then night falls. A black shadow that seems to force me to consume everything I can get my grubby hands on. So I cry. And I skip my insulin. Until weakness and fear force me to take an injection. Or reading another obituary about someone who just died of diabetic complications... It used to be so easy, fed with a silver spoon, reject it, spit it, and no harm came... Now I mourn those days, promise I will bring them back... But death will sooner engulf me. For I am gluttony. 2:43 p.m. - 2004-01-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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