But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Freedom Soon I don't know how I got to school today, but I did. I woke up, stomach churning, face dripping with sweat, shaking, dizzy, and legs ready to give out beneath me. But I had to go. I had a test in Economy. And guess what? Dizzy as I was, sick as I was, I scored a 96%. My teacher says that I can graduate in December at the rate I am going. I have a 4.0. My friends are telling me to apply to UCLA. I don't think that I am smart enough, but they say that I am. Maybe, just maybe, I am... I have a fever of 101F. I have been taking Tylenol every two hours for the past two weeks. I finally went to Urgent Care today, but it was a two hour wait, so I decided to not wait that long. I should have signed in, because my mom left me and didn't come pick me up for two and a half hours. She was so angry at me. I made an appointment to see my doctor on Monday. My acid reflex and edema are really bad. My teacher asked me if I was pregnant today. No way in hell. That settled it. That explains why my pants are extremely baggy even though I have a hard time buttoning them. Why my fingers look like little sausages. My roommate and I have a joke about how many months pregnant I will look on each given day. Yes, that is how bad it is. But it is going down. Which means my weight is going down. I wonder what my true weight would be without this wretched edema. It went as high as 130, and now it is at 113, though I know that is partially due to the fever. In my mom's eyes I am a failure. My teacher said that Econ is the hardest subject in high school, and my mom didn't even care that I got an A. All she said is, "Ugh! I had no idea you would take so long! I have to get back to work!" Tears burned at my eyes. I don't know why I still expect praise. Perhaphs it is because if Alex has gotten even a C she would have showered him with praise and gifts, incence and mir, so to speak, and I am a burden. In her words, a lump that needs the taxi service. "It isn't you Dim, I just have so much shit to do!" Someday, someday soon, I will be free. 1:09 a.m. - 2003-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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