But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Am Sick I am so exhausted. My vision is going, I am having trouble breathing, my legs feel ready to collapse beneath me... I know that I am dying. I slept all day today. I literally only got up to go to the restroom, get a drink, and eat dinner. Everyone's words sound so far away. I am too tired to call anyone, too sick to go out, too dead to care. And yet I do care. I binged tonight, the whole time screaming inside, begging myself not to do it. I didn't want to purge, but I knew I had to. So I headed outside, leaned over, weak, and wondered how in the world I was managing not to collapse under my weight. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I am tired. And my weight is not budging. I am still maintaining at a horrible 115-120, the weight I left IP at. It is the bulimia. The bulimia and diabulimia that is killing me. I wish I felt good. I wish that I had never begun this horrible illness. I wish I wasn't too tired to type anymore... 1:23 a.m. - 2003-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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