But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Remember how I said I took the insulin? How four units was not enough so I decided to take eight? What a mistake. I ended up feeling shaky and dizzy. I thought it was nothing. My heart began to race. Sweat poured down my face. I went to the fridge. Suddenly I felt as if I would vomit all over. I grabbed a tub of honey and quickly put a spoonful into my mouth. The room began to spin. I reached out for the fridge door, but it was no use. Everything sort of swam in front of my eyes and blackened out. I found myself on the floor a few moments later. I crawled to the couch and lay there, sweating, breathing heavily, sure I would vomit all over myself. Finally I fell asleep. Hypoglycemia at its� worst. I tried not to binge today. I knew that today was not a day to be purging. I was exhausted all day. My heart has been hurting and my legs keep on cramping. I did binge, but I did not purge. I have been purging a lot to rid myself of anger. I know this. To say, �Fuck off! I don�t give a damn!� Friday I went to Burger King with my mom after helping her for four hours in the classroom. She had forgotten that she promised to take me to the pet store and Wal Mart. All she cared about was making sure Alex had a ride on time. She didn�t say more than a few words about his grades, though if I had received the marks he had I would never hear the end of it. Two Ds and an F. So instead of blowing up I threw up. I threw up as hard as I could, as much as I could. I never used to vomit for emotional reasons� My hair is becoming so thin, my skin so dry, and I am getting those blisters around my lips again. My weight is normal. I no longer am as resilient to the abuse I bestow upon my body as I used to be, and I hate it. I am weak. Too weak to withstand this any longer. So I am fighting. I am still fighting and I won�t give up. I will be banging on my coffin to be let out before I give in to this eating disorder. It will not win. 7:24 p.m. - 2003-10-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
||||||