But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nightmare Come True Nothing ever satisfies the demon within. The one that requests more food, the one that tells me to lose more weight, the one that forces me to hang over a toilet bowl and rid myself of all nourishment or not eat until I cannot imagine the tiniest bite of food passing my lips. Everyone leaves me. Do I care? A new friend... Will they really stay? Will they not allow me to push them away with my insanity and reclusive attitude? I hide in my room, reading every book I own over and over. I only walk out to feed the body, stuff the stomach, gorge, then rid myself of everything. Crawl back into the hovel. Don't turn on the lights. Face the wall. Tears stream down my face. Will they know? Will they see? All innocence is lost. 24 pounds in six days, and it is not going down. "You look good." I hear it constantly. They don't mean it. It wasn't until I dropped below 89 that I heard I was too thin from everyone. 86, they all had nothing to say... 110, they have plenty to say. My mom yells. "You were disgusting! Now you look good. You were hideously emaciated." The more I cry the more she yells. She threatens to put me in a psych hospital. I lock my door. No one shall see me at this weight. I promise you, it is not staying. Say good-bye. 12:33 a.m. - 2003-05-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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