But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Am Disgusting. Look At My Intake I wake up to my mom screaming in my face. "You are old enough to schedule some of your own appointments! I shouldn't have to do it all!" "Mom, I will once I get the e-mail with the references and number to cardiology. You can't do it without the referance names." "Yes, you can Gwen! She already said that." "Mom, no. She said she would e-mail me the reference names." "Are you stupid? I already talked to her!" "So did I. You have to wait." "Gwen, go to hell." "I already am. Why don't you join me?" I go in my room and slam the door. I wait until she goes back to work. I try to access my e-mail account but apparently it is down. I do some homework and fall asleep. I get the references. When my mom gets home she calls. I was right. She apologizes. "Its fine, don't worry about it," I say. "No it isn't." She says. "I shouldn't act that way. I'm really sorry." It is only a few more hours until she yells at me again. This time it is about how lazy I am and how all I do is "slop around the house." Thanks mom, I wish I had the energy to do more. Later my friend Amber comes over. We go out to the store and buy soda. My mom is pissed. I drank 12-two-liter bottles of soda since Sunday. Sorry mom. I also bought a box of ice cream sandwiches. I ended up eating seven of them. All I do is eat. I remember back to the day when I truly believed seven carrot sticks would make me gain weight. I know I am going to be exhausted tomorrow. I only took one unit of Glargine today. At least I am saving my mom money on prescriptions. I can't seem to lose any weight. I keep hovering between 95 and 96.5. I have to be 93 by Friday. I have a strange obsession with weighing at least half a pound less at each ED clinic visit than I did the time before. I have to be thin. I actually cleaned my room today. Amber motivated me to. She started cleaning it for me to be nice, and I felt guilty and started cleaning it too, even though I felt sick. My closet has no room, my drawers are stuffed, and even the drawers under my bed are stuffed full of clothes. Everyone who sees all the clothes I have remarks on it. It is because of my rapid cycles of weight loss and weight gain. Speaking of which, here is what I ate today: 1 Bag Candy Corn 30 Malted Milk Balls 3 Bananas 1/2 cup peanut butter 4 Waffles 3 Cups Meatloaf 5 popsicles 1 Hot Pocket 2 Turkey Sandwiches 1 Tuna Sandwich 1 Cup Strawberries 2 Apples 3 Oreos 1 Hostess Muffin Bar 1 Three Musketeers Bar 11 Ice Cream Sandwiches 3 Cups Mashed Potatoes 2 Tamales 5 Pieces Iron Kids Bread 3 Cups Golden Grahams 3 Cups Chocolate Milk Okay, I believe that is all. If your grocery stores are out of food, it is my fault. I am disgusting. I need to stop. If I can't soon I hope I do have a heart-attack. Take care everyone. Xoxo Gwen
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