But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Eventfull Day Today was a busy day for me, which really isn't that much considering I don't do anything. Nonetheless, it was tiring. It started with therapy. My mom came and I met with my therapist, psychiatrist, and nurse. I couldn't quit shaking because of the Metabolife. Thank God no one brought that up. It was agreed all around that I need more inpatient treatment or else I might die, and that I need to be more "compliant" with my medication. Great! They expect me to suddenly start showing my mom my blood sugars and insulin when that has always been my sole responsibility. My mom has never given me one injection and I have had diabtetes since age nine. Endocrine always said that if I wanted to do it all myself than I could. Now that I get older I seem to be losing that right... Then on to the docs I went. I guess it was marked as a weight check-up because I had to get weighed in a gown. The last few times I was allowed to step on the scale with boots, purse, coat, sweaters, soda, and magazines, so it looked like I went from 108 to 93. I admit, I have lost some weight, but not as much as they think. My doctor was so concerned that he talked to my mom about it. Now she is pissed at me. She started going off on how no one could help me and that all I wanted to do was dissapear, and how in the hell could I lose so much weight?... It was not fun. Even my brother jumped in which infuriated me. I had only eaten 3/4 cup of cereal so far, but their comments really dug into me. I came home and started to eat some crab. I ate a whole package, then four hot pockets, followed by an angelfood cake, three popsicles, 6 muffins, two pop-tarts, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cup of milk, pudding, can of mushrooms, and an oreo. It was HELL. I walked outside to purge in the cold rain. I spent about fifteen minutes with my hand down my throat, but to no avail. Almost nothing came up. All I got was miserably drenched from the rain. I jumped on the scale. 102. I wonder what it will be in the morning? Nine pounds is sure alot to gain in one day... Please, don't let that be the case. Also, I got another rude shock. I decided to test out my food scale, which I have always assumed was accurate because it never seemed to be off. Wrong! It is eight grams under! Great... I think I am going to call my school counselor tomorrow and explain to her everything that has been going on in a very blanketed sense. I need to go back to school. I am going to ask her to talk to the teachers about not making a big deal about my return. I can't handle that. I need to go unnoticed. Please... My doc said no more caffeine. No allergy pills. Nothing with any stimulants. They will see what effect that has on my heart. Then they will look into heart medications based on those results. He told my mom that he is very worried and that I am at risk for a heart attack if I don't get my heart better. Just what my mom needs to get her even more worked up. So I suppose that is about all. Take care everyone. *Dim 11:48 p.m. - 2003-02-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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