But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Doctor's Appt. and Taking Laxatives I am not the smartest apple in the bunch. I walked to my med drawer to get my insulin, and I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind; there should be some laxatives in here. So I dug around a bit and found ten little orange tablets. Dulcolax. Hoorah! I pushed them out of their little package into my hand with my two Celexa tablets, two Topomax, and a Zofran. They prescribed the Zofran to me when I was having terrible problems with nausea, but I found out what a miracle pill it was. Sometimes I should probably think a bit more before I act. When I went to the doctor's today I told him everything. I told him how I had quit taking my insulin, about my bingeing and purging, and about my swelling and massive weight gain. The weight gain seems to concern alot of people. He said it could be something to do with my kidneys, especially considering I just had an infection. Great! And I am so sure that laxatives will help my situation. Way to go Dim! So if anything is wrong God knows I will have made it worse. I didn't take my insulin either tonight. We went grocery shopping, and for some reason that seems to excite me beyond belief. My obsession drives my mom insane. I prowl the isles like I am seeking out a treasure among the rows, convincing myself not to buy anything when in truth I want everything. My mom asks "Dim, is there anything you want?" I always hesitate and it is so painful for me to say, "No, I am fine." Why do I do it? Because each day I vow that I won't binge, that I am going to lose weight. Yea, right. I have lost all self control. Everyone at the lab keeps telling me I look good. "You gained weight? You look so good!" I hate it. Even my mom admitted that I am getting a butt. What the hell am I going to do? I want to dissapear. Instead, I seem to be getting bigger in size while dissapearing from people's lives. Great huh? Wish me luck on my labs. Take care everyone. Great news. I don't have to go to Stanford until next week. Maybe I can knock off five pounds by then, but healthily? Please.... 10:35 p.m. - 2003-01-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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