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Trying To Live

Okay, today has been extremely hard. I ate, took my insulin, and didn't purge. I actually binged, which means I took a ton of insulin to compensate, and when I stepped on the scale I was 106. This morning I was 98, yesterday 96, so this just goes to show how slow my metabolism is. Okay, I can do this. One day of not killing myself isn't too terrible right? I hate this. I hate it so much. I don't know how I ever got into this. I have eaten over eight thousand calories today, but thats okay right? One day won't kill me right? I have to quit, and I talked to Kim earlier today. She told me that I have to take my insulin. It was strange. I felt like someone actually gave me permission to do something to take care of myself. That is what has gotten me to take care of myself today... Now please, I hope I can do it tomorrow.

8:27 p.m. - 2003-01-28
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