But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fighting It This is the latest I have gone without bingeing, and I can't take it anymore. I have to binge. I need food. I have eaten two rice cakes so far today, both of which I have kept down. This morning was as predicted. My mom yelled at me for the missing Diet Cokes. God, I felt so bad. I am grounded. I wouldn't even care except today is Melissa's birthday. I promised her that I would go to the drag races with her. It was so hard to call her and explain. I went to back to bed this morning after I called her to tell her the bad news, and when I woke up Alex and my mom's husband were porking out on Mc Donalds. I thought, "thanks for asking me if I wanted anything!" I don't understand. My brother is served everything on a golden platter. Right now he has about seven friends over, even though he had Saturday school today for playing hookie. My mom just laughs it off. If I ever did anything like that at fifteen... I don't want to know the consequences. When I was fourteen I got busted smoking, and that was the worst thing I had ever done. I was banished to my grandparents house, who I hate. I was in so much trouble. Well I guess that is about all. I can't help it. I have to binge... and I already feel guilty. 4:32 p.m. - 2003-01-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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