But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So Fat I doubt that anyone besides the people I know really read this, but if you really are interested I am sorry that I haven't written in awhile. Things are same old same old. Yesterday I binged so much that my stomach stuck out like a swelled up pig, and when I finally puked it seemed like I puked the world. I am so grossed out by my weight. 102... Ewwwwwww.... How could I let myself get this way? I have a sinus infection right now which I am using as an excuse to avoid school. I mean, I am so grossed out by how fat I am, imagine what others will say? No offense to my mom, but she can be so dumb. She says to me, "with all the food that you eat you should have gained alot more weight by now." Okay, lets think... How many times have I been in treatment for an eating disorder? She really just doesn't get it, which quite frankly puzzles me. I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember, and does she think that when I eat 20 Oreos, 4 Hot Pockets, and two quarts of ice cream that I can actually keep it down? Yea, right. I doubt that anyone could. I really do hate myself for being this out of control. I just wish I could sleep forever, go into a coma, something... something so that I don't have to face the everyday world. I only live for others, bc there are some people I truly care about. Otherwise my burns would be covering my whole body instead of just a little patch on my leg. Am I crazy? I'm beginning to think so. Oh well. I really better go to school tomorrow, come hell or high water I have to graduate to get out of here. Plus, today I havent binged yet. I am eating egg whites. Suprisingly, they fill you up, and with a bit of hot sauce and pepper they are pretty good. Well I guess that is about all right now. If I binge I swear, I don't know what I will do... 1:50 p.m. - 2003-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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