But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jagged Breaths It is so scary when you can't breathe. Last night I spent the entire night trying to breathe. As my breaths became more jagged I gave in and took 28 units of insulin. This only brought my sugars down to 468. My whole body reaked of ketones, like every cell was giving them off. I could feel my body rapidly dying. I lost my thirst though my meter read, "HI" so I gave in. The thoughts swam through my head. "Insulin or die. Take insulin and gain weight." Insulin or die. And as my breathing became more shallow I knew what I had to do. I could feel death slowly swallowing my entire being. So I took a shot. The night was like drifting through hell. Sweat poured down my body, acid drifted up my throat, and each breath was a struggle. I tried to talk but I could only cough. But the insulin. It saved my life. Today I feel much better. And the first thought that came to my mind was to binge. But I am resisting. In fact, I am scared to eat. Because I don't want another bout of DKA. I scare myself. I really do. I can't live much longer like this. Outside I seem fine, but inside my body is eating itself alive, dying... My blood is poison. 7:51 a.m. - 2004-03-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
||||||