But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Broken Inside... Heart pulsating, trying to beat, weak, exhausted... Shallow breathing, try to draw a breath, impossible... Sweat running down the back of the neck. Tingling, hot cold, shivering, shaking. So weak. Body dying. Another pound lost is another 16 ounces of life gone. Finally, as the sun begins to go down, I crawl out of bed. I stand, only immediately sit back down again. Rapid breathing, pulse flying... Insulin. Insulin. I must take some insulin... Twenty units. Will that be enough? O God, let that be enough. Because this weak body, no matter how weak, is not worthy of even that meager amount. How many minutes go by? How many hours? I am still weak, but I am better. Just a bit. I will survive another night. That song, the song that goes, "Its getting harder and harder to breathe..." Once you put meaning to it it becomes terrifying. They look at you, they see the image of what they want to be, But they do not know, they can not know, How broken you are, and indeed, you are broken, Broken inside, shattered beyond repair, But glued on the outside, soon to fall apart... 1:38 a.m. - 2004-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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