But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vanity Perhaphs I wasn't very fair in my last entry. Yes, my mom can be cruel, and yes, she wasn't very nice picking me up from the hospital, but you know what? She cleaned my room. That included picking up 125 Diet Coke cans off of the floor, (damn high blood sugar) a ton of clothes, papers, books, and only God knows what else. It was an overwhelming task that I couldn't make myself do for anything. So, in short, my mom did something really nice for me. My only complaint about the whole situation is that I accidentally left a towel covered in blood behind my bed from when I had done a pretty bad hack job on my arm and she found it. My brother and his friend were in there, along with my friend. She made a big point of exclaiming in a loud tone, "Ooh, Groooss!" as my friend Jori told me. Alex apparently made a gagging sound, and his friend just said, "Ummm... Okay..." I cannot believe I did that. Hence, Dim. I decided to take all my insulin yesterday. I could not stand one more day of nausea, fatigue, and being doused in cold sweat. This lead to a voracious appetite, which lead to the consumption of an entire bag of M&Ms, 1/2 bottle of Hershey's Syrup, pound of deli turkey, 4 slices bread, 8 cups frozen yogurt, 1/2 tub peanut butter, six bananas, and a cup of Lucky Charms. The result? I gained ten pounds. I am not happy. Trying to recover is so hard. I have images of the way I used to be, when things were fine and I was thin. When I had energy. When I was beautiful. But did I know it? No. Can I ever go back to it? No. So here I sit and sulk, wanting to do so much, yet really just doing nothing. I lost my assignment sheet so now I am extremely anxious, because I am supposed to be done with my assignments for the week. Also, I am embarassed to go into school because my vision has gotten bad, and my mom got me these horribly huge reading glasses only fit for elephant's eye's. Vanity, I am so vain. 11:48 a.m. - 2003-11-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
||||||