But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast.

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Drink, Drank, Drunk

The whole world seems so kind, loving, and beautiful while drinking, especially after seven or eight beers quickly sloshed down...
Until the next day when you can't seem to puke enough, breathe enough, or stop spinning. Then the reality that nothing is forever sets in, that good comes with the bad, that we are all human...
But for the short time it is worth it. It is okay to be a fool, to laugh too much, to forget that I am shy.
I just wish the boys liked me. They like Bailey and all the other pretty girls. The girls who don't have to worry about what they eat and stay naturally beautiful. The girls who don't need to pluck their eyebrows, dye their hair, put on eyeshadow...etc...
How I envy those lucky girls sometimes. But then I remember that they deserve to be beautiful because they are beautiful on the inside. That I wouldn't think they were so pretty if they were cruel people. That after a while we all see the inner beauty.
But sometimes it is so easy to forget when all the nice guys like the pretty girls. No matter what clothes I have, how much I try to fit the ideal, I will never be that.
I have the spins. I think I am going to throw up again. This entry was an attempt to make myself sit up and not vomit.
Ugh... It is going to be quite a while before I drink again.

6:57 AM - Tuesday, Mar. 22, 2005
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dying - living